


i'm not calling you a liar

by annadavidson



Series: that which shaped the century (a dragon age dual au) [22]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Friendship, M/M, Post-DA2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 21:37:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14434587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annadavidson/pseuds/annadavidson
Summary: He hadn’t said a word to Anders since the Chantry.Summary: Not quite enemies, but not quite friends anymore. Neither Derek nor Anders know how to mend their once strong but now torn friendship.





	i'm not calling you a liar

**Author's Note:**

> Derek's opinions are his own and separate from me. :')

He hadn’t said a word to Anders since the Chantry. He hadn’t spoken to him before they’d ran off into battle - Vera had taken care of that. He’d watched out for him during the battle, keeping templars and demons at bay, but he wasn’t sure if he’d done that because of his sister or the memory of a strong friendship, a sense of brotherhood with the other man.

They’d ran far from Kirkwall. Derek wasn’t sure how many days it had been. All he knew was that it’d been more than one. It had been long enough for them to travel far enough that the fire that burned Kirkwall’s streets and the smoke it threwup into the air to vanish from sight. It should have been a comfort, but it was anything except that.

He had finally made a home for his family in Kirkwall. Bethany had, to his disapproval, been happy in the Circle. Carver had found his place with the Grey Wardens. Vera had found happiness and a cause with Anders. Now all he could think was that he and his family had been forced to flee the home they had worked so hard to get. And his friends had been forced to flee with them. Gamlen hadn’t gone with them, rather sneaking out of the city with plans to stay with his daughter. He had no way of knowing whether or not his uncle had made it out of the city alive.

He led the way, deciding which way to go, which path would keep them best hidden. Occasionally, Vera would voice input. That usually ended with snapped words, clear anger, and unsaid disappointment on both ends. Eventually they would need to go their separate ways, but it wasn’t time for them to split up. Not yet. _Not yet._

The angry snaps were the only words exchanged by the eldest Hawke twins. They’d spoken briefly before going off to battle, and then again a day earlier when Derek had told the group what the plan was to protect Vera and Anders.

Derek had no doubts that his twin was going to stick by Anders side. When the group split off, he knew who would go with who. Kenrick and Merrill, Jaxton would join Stella and Isabela before eventually going his own way, Vera would remain glued to Anders side, and Fenris would stay with him.

Donnic had met up with the group a while ago, traveling with them either out of friendship or because of Aveline. But eventually those two would return to Kirkwall. There was no doubt that Aveline felt a call to try to mend the city. It was a call Derek felt too, but one he couldn’t afford to heed. Carver and Bethany were going to stick together. He’d overheard Carver mentioning a keep in Amaranthine, full of Grey Wardens. As long as it meant the youngest Hawke twins would be safe and secure, he couldn’t argue. The only person he wasn’t sure about was Varric. Varric insisted he’d be fine on his own, and while Derek didn’t doubt that, he didn’t like it.

A few times they ran into bandits. They were dispatched quickly. One had almost gotten Derek once with a sword to the back. With a crackle of electricity, Anders took the bandit out. Their eyes met and the blonde gave him a weary smile that somehow looked more sad than cautious. Derek should have thanked him. He didn’t, afraid that if he opened his mouth, the wrong words would come out.

He could risk saying what was constantly running through his head since the Chantry, since fleeing Kirkwall. He knew Anders expected the words. He knew his friend - was that the right word anymore? - was surprised when no snaps or snide comments came. Derek had already shoved him against a wall and snarled words into his ears directly after the Chantry. He’d heard Vera’s magic flare up, but Kenrick had stopped her, reminding her that no matter how angry or upset Derek seemed, he would never kill Anders. He would never do that to Vera.

But she wasn’t the only reason.

He still saw one of his best friends in the other mage. He could still remember the times they’d spent together, the laughs and bad jokes they had shared. He remembered Anders helping to convince the Grey Wardens to take Carver in so he could live. He remembered being there for Anders after Karl’s death, after barely knowing each other. He remembered Anders being there for him after his mother’s death. He remembered when Anders had accused him of not really supporting Kirkwall’s mages, of taking a neutral stance. He remembered both the good and the bad.

He remembered his best friend.

In a sense, both Vera and Anders had kept him from driving a dagger through his friend. However that decision hadn’t come without a price. He’d saved one best friend only to lose another when Sebastian and Talia had stormed off together. A part of him still felt like despite his decision, he’d still lost Anders as well.

But Vera was as happy as she could be, considering the circumstances. That was what he used to convince himself that he’d made the right decision. He focused more on his sister’s feelings than his own. He focused on her happiness over his own sense of betrayal. Thinking about Anders… That hurt, and he didn’t need to hurt more than he already was.

Fenris stuck close to his side the whole trip. Whenever they stopped for the night and made camp, Derek insisting on taking first watch, the elf would stay up with him, curling up at his side and firmly grasping his hand. He was an anchor that Derek couldn’t afford to let go of.

Then the last night they would be traveling together came. He knew in the morning that they would part ways. Even if he didn’t want to take the first watch, he couldn’t sleep. Carver had offered, but he’d insisted his brother get some sleep. He’d been running on little sleep already, what was a few less hours added to that?

He had his arm draped behind Fenris, the elf resting against his side, breathing peacefully as he slept. As much as a part of him wanted to focus on the sound of Fenris breathing, to relax and close his eyes, falling asleep next to the man he loved; he needed to stay alert. Maybe he was being paranoid, but he wasn’t sure if the templars would have followed them this far, if at all. Had they successfully gotten away during the chaos? Had they traveled far enough? Would anywhere ever be far enough?

As far as Thedas would be concerned, _they_ had destroyed a Chantry. He and his friends would make sure the stories told of _one_ Champion of Kirkwall, to keep Vera safe, but that would mean all of Thedas would think he had something to do with Anders’ actions. The Chantry and Templar Order would view him as an accomplice. Perhaps they would even think he orchestrated the whole thing, if enough rumors were placed saying so. He could get them to focus on finding him, causing their searches to stray far from Vera and Anders’ paths. And he and Fenris could certainly handle a few templars.

“You should get some rest,” a voice cut through his thoughts, gentle, familiar, laced with concern but also more hesitant than he was used to hearing it.

He looked up to see Anders, sitting up with Vera resting against him. Her eyes were closed and he thought she was asleep, though he couldn’t be certain.

“Someone needs to keep watch,” was all he said - all he could bring himself to say.

“I could keep watch,” Anders pointed out, his voice still hesitant as if he expected any word to set Derek off.

 _Good instincts,_ Derek thought, but he said, “You need to rest, stay strong - for Vera, for yourself.”

Silence stretched between them when it was clear that neither of them would be closing their eyes. Derek was fairly certain Anders stayed awake because he couldn’t fall asleep, not out of stubbornness. The fire crackled and spit up sparks that danced off into the sky before they faded against the cool air. Despite the warmth of the fire and the body curled up next to him, Derek still felt cold, _numb._

“I’m sorry about Sebastian and Talia,” Anders spoke again, voice hushed either because he was afraid of waking Vera up or unsure if he actually wanted Derek to hear him or not.

The words should have been comforting, but all Derek could do was grimace.

“You’re sorry about Sebastian and Talia?” he whispered back, _“That’s_ what you’re sorry about?”

Anders looked like he wished he could unsay that. _“Derek--”_

 _“Save it,”_ Derek snapped as quietly as he could, “Just take care of my sister - and don’t blow anything else up.”

He thought Anders looked like he wanted to argue that last part but instead the blonde hung his head in defeat, clearly not having the energy to argue.

“I never wanted to hurt you - any of you,” Anders whispered, voice as defeated as he looked. “I only wanted to help Kirkwall’s mages.”

“Kirkwall is burning,” Derek countered, “And the mages lie dead in the streets.”

“There was no other way…”

“How do you know that?” he heard his own voice crack but found it hard to hold his tongue, “Did you get anyone else’s opinion? Vera’s? I know you didn’t ask me.”

“Derek…”

“Maybe there wasn’t any other way,” he admitted, resisting the urge to shrug, not wanting to risk waking Fenris up. “But I doubt _one_ person could have gone through _all_ possible scenarios by himself. You could’ve… You could’ve _asked_ me or do you still think I’m all talk?”

Anders sighed. “I - I hadn’t meant that. I’d just been angry.”

“And I was angry when I said if it wasn’t for Vera, I’d kill you,” he added, remembering having the fabric of Anders’ shirt bunched in his fists, the other mage’s back shoved against the closest wall, his voice burning with anger, and his own hands sparking as his magic reacted to his anger. He remembered the genuine fear on Anders’ face as if his friend had actually thought he’d kill him.

_Friend…_

Now Anders looked at him with raw guilt. He had no doubt that Anders didn’t regret his actions, though he seemed to regret the consequences - maybe not all of them, but this? He possibly regretted this consequence.

Derek felt the urge to say more, but he didn’t think it would be wise. Anders seemed to think the same thing, resigning himself to resting against Vera. Eventually his eyes closed though Derek wasn’t sure if he was actually asleep or not. He realized Fenris was awake when he heard the other man sigh. He turned a head and placed a soft kiss against Fenris’ hair.

There was a silence before Fenris whispered, eyes locked onto Anders and Vera. “He wanted to die.”

Derek considered what to say for a moment. “He was prepared to die. There’s a difference.”

“That is true.”

“And she wouldn’t have forgiven me.”

Fenris looked up at him, eyes searching his face for something - Derek wasn’t quite sure what. _“You_ would not have forgiven yourself.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like/reblog on Tumblr [here](http://magicrobins.tumblr.com/post/173307107075/im-not-calling-you-a-liar).


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